[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
Well, this is different... maybe.
[vortigaunt charges up]
Shit.
[vortigaunt charges up]
No...!
[vortigaunt bolt]
[shudder]
Oh, you want a piece of this, huh?!
Well, I've got somethin' for ya!
Here! Take some home with you!
There's too much happening here.
Trying to confuse me.
Yeah, keep your dist--Shit.
THUD! Yeah, there you go!
That's more like it!
What the hell are these things?
Pustules of the Damned.
The land's rejecting the aliens!
[vortigaunt charges up]
Which it should!
[vortigaunt bolt]
[shudder]
SPLAT! NOW THAT'S A GOOD ALIEN!
Well, I will say this is better
than where I just came from,
but that's not saying much.
I don't even understand how a small
island could support something that big.
Well, as the only zoning inspector here,
I'm condemning this property
as a safety hazard.
You can file any complaints at my office.
I'm hearing troub--oh, wow, a cave.
This ecosystem IS interesting.
[vortigaunt charging up]
Shut up.
You're not on the Science Team.
I don't care what you have to say.
What, is that your buddy? Like the two of
you were going to convince me of something?
I'm a scientist with a shotgun.
I'm unstoppable.
Well, this is smaller but it's about
as good as the last apartment.
Guess it's just going to have to do.
What the hell is that? A spore?
Well, that can't be healthy.
Maybe it'll be better if
I can drain the... floor.
Oh, a basement! Let's take a look.
Yeah, I'm going to have to clean this up.
Y'know, if I had known my next
apartment was going to look like this--
well, first off, I'd be very confused
and would mostly want to know
what I needed to do with my life
in order to make this not happen,
and I don't think I'd have an answer.
I mean, what was I supposed
to do? Turn down Black Mesa?
Oh, yeah! I'll just go work at
ANOTHER well-funded facility
looking for PURE physics
work--theoretical, no less.
Hup, we've got a bit of an infestation.
Oh, I should reload. I forgot I
took some goodies from that canister.
Yeah, that was really crazy, wasn't it?
I mean, how did that thing even eat?
There weren't enough...
things there to sustain it.
Maybe it extracted
something from the air?
Oh-OH! Not again! NOT AGAIN!
Okay, well it blocked the exit--
Well, the shower fucking sucks.
I shouldn't be breathing any of this.
It needs to be purified with fire,
[teleportation sound]
but I don't really have the equipment
[bullsquid spit]
to handle--
OH, YOU SQUATTER ASSHOLE!
YEAH! THANKS! I WAS HOPING TO
GET THAT TASTE OUT OF MY MOUTH!
Oh, hey, another one of these canisters.
Yeah! Some grenade rounds,
Magnum b-- Well, I'm glad it IS here.
Hey, you know what I think happened?
I bet we REALLY fucked up with
the teleporter initially,
and it scattered everything everywhere.
Like his ammo is here and his
head is floating out in space,
his legs somewhere else...
It's like an... unholy dumbwaiter.
I bet it would make a funny
sound if I ran a stick alongside it.
So, how do I operate--OH!
THAT ALMOST TOOK MY HEAD CLEAN OFF!
Wait, no!
That would've taken it off sloppy!
It would've popped from the
sheer pressure!
This is the servants' entrance,
so once I learn how to domesticate these
bastards, this might come in useful.
Although that's a big assumption that
I even CAN domesticate these freaks.
Why is it taking so long this time?
Oh, that's it--Wait, no! That's too fast!
NO! STOP THAT! I CAN'T KEEP MY BALANCE!
I DO belong on a pedestal, but
metaphorically, God dammit!
Okay, this is a LOT better, lot
better. Now I'm a little lower...
and I can move my feet
more than four inches.
I could sleep here if I wanted to.
Though, I really don't want to do that.
My life is all about
adjusting expectations.
Like, I might think I'm upset about
something, but then I'm falling to my death,
or having my face bit off, and then
I'm getting shot or frozen or drowned...
It's just this big merry-go-round
of a new horrible crisis
taking my mind off the last one.
So, I might think, oh I have it bad
now, but it's ALL been bad.
Nothing's worse, it's just different.
What's that island over there?
It's glowing.
Therefore, it must be important.
I think that's how the
hierarchy works around here.
Whatever glows has more status.
Y'know, that's kind of
nice in an awful way?
I keep finding teleporters from
one alien hell to the next.
Like the last one was horrible,
but the first one wasn't... that bad?
Oh, wait, that had the quake.
That was awful, too.
Yeah, that other island probably
doesn't exist now.
[vortigaunt charging up, bolt]
Uh, take cover!
[vortigaunt bolt]
Wow, this guy's motivated, huh?
Oh! That was an amazing shot!
I'm not even sure I can
claim skill on that one.
That's fate making up for all this shit.
But, yeah, it's an interesting dilemma,
though I'd RATHER see it as a
thought exercise and not LIVE IT!
Hoo! So, if that is a teleporter,
do I go in it and risk a worse hell,
or just stay here with the hell I know?
It could take me straight into the
stomach of another god spider thing.
How did that exist?
There wasn't enough food.
Maybe it ate space krill.
Are you kidding me?
I thought I got all of them.
Where the hell did you
come from, anyway?
Oh, shit! The island must be birthing
them! That's what those red pits are!
Oh, I've got to get out of here, then.
I can't stay in THIS hell.
I'll have to watch my back forever.
Oh!, I could try and ride
the manta rays. Sure.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and
over again and expecting different results?
Well, one: it's a stupid saying because
it doesn't account for other variables.
And, two: that implies
everything is not insane.